Heartbreak and the Healing Nature of Friendship

We all know that I am the queen of inconsistent blogging. Let's be honest, I've blogged four times in the last 6 months. BUT no one can accuse me of being a fair-weather blogger; I am not afraid to blog about the hard stuff.
Last summer I had my heart broken. I used to think that phrase was just something people said when a relationship ended before they wanted it to. Because your heart can't really break, right? It still works. Oh, how wrong I was. Emotional pain can turn physical really fast when it goes that deep. When someone you trust completely breaks every promise, said or unsaid, they've ever made to you, it feels like your heart will never be the same again.
In the past week I have had two close friends go through the same pain. When it happened to me, I thought  "No one should EVER have to feel this much pain." When those experiencing it are some of your best friends, it makes it that much worse. There is nothing you can do, except be there with them in this crippling, debilitating pain. And, amazingly, that helps. Just someone there who loves you, and who is willing to cry with you, rub your back, wallow with you in the feeling that it will never be ok again. Slowly, imperceptibly, that friendship starts to heal.
As painful as the experience of a broken heart is, it has made me a better friend. It has made me better able to share my friends' pain, to carry whatever small portion of that burden I can for them.
And when they need a break from the pain, there are daisies and GiGi's cupcakes.

ConGRADuations!!

Commencement. It has been a scary word in my life. It always means one of two things: I have to make grown-up decisions that I feel utterly incapable of making, or my friends are leaving me. Sometimes it means both.
In the last two weeks I have celebrated my very bestest friends graduating from college, and my favorite sister:) graduating from high school. Congratulations all around!
For the latter, I was given the great privilege of making a slideshow of pictures depicting Maggie's life. May I just say, there were some winners:

She is so stinkin cute its ridiculous. I really loved going through these pictures because it reminded me, cheesy as it may sound, of what a really incredible life I have been given. My sister and I love being around each other, which is not always the case, and I feel so very blessed to know that I have this phenomenal friend with me on a regular basis. 

This slideshow that I created was for the viewing pleasure of the guests at Maggie's graduation party. From my post at the soda float table, I watched as family after family arrived to be a part of this day of celebration. I watched as Maggie greeted them with the poise and grace that she has seemed to possess from age 6. She is so beautiful, so kind, so full of joy. I loved watching these wonderful friends and family celebrate my sweet sister, watching them acknowledge the incredible woman I have always known she is. That was my happy commencement. 

Two weeks ago, my very best friends graduated from Asbury University. On the one hand, I was so happy for them, and so proud of all the amazing things they would go on to do. On the other hand, the thought of doing college without these people is nothing short of terrifying. So I found some pretty great pictures from those last few days too:

The bottom line: Commencements can be sad. But i LOVE these people. So much. They have all taught me so much, and I know that they will continue to teach me as I watch them live out the dreams we have talked about and planned for three years. 

I love you friends. You are my heroes. 

Musings in Springtime

Fall is my favorite time of year. It always has been. Fall days feel cozy to me, and it doesn't take much more than that. The smells, the colors, the new school supplies...in an ironic way, it feels new to me: the air is crisp, with just a hint of cold hidden behind blue sky and yellow leaves; school is starting, with a chance at new classes (maybe THIS is the semester I will want to write those papers), new friends, new food in the caf...we can hope; and the afternoons are full of Shaker Village, long drives, and homework OUTSIDE.

Ok, so you love fall Anna, we get it. But its NOT Fall so, your point, if you will. Here it is: I am staring out my window right now and it looks like this

Gross. Now, I know that part of the beauty of spring - daffodils (my fav), baby animals, and warmer weather - come from days like this. And sometimes days like this give you the chance to run like an idiot in the pouring down rain with your very best friend. BUT these days also make me sleepy, totally unmotivated, and desperate to spend every last second with the greatest people ever who are graduating in - cringe - 27 days.
These people:

Try and tell me they're not awesome. 

Some days you just need a road trip. 

Euchre, Coffee, Pumpkins...see - Fall - its the best

So Springtime makes me sad sometimes. Or maybe reminiscent is a better word. But even as the thought of these wonderful people leaving scares me so much, I am so excited. Because Fall only gives the illusion of newness - Spring is the real deal. These people are moving on to do the most AMAZING things and I could not be more excited for them. I will remain here, in this place that I really do love, with some of the other most amazing people ever.

But, please guys, come back and see me. We can play Euchre and run in the rain. 

I love

That sometimes English looks like this:



And sometimes it looks like this:

But I love most that it looks like this: 

And this:

And this: 

I love English, literature, whatever you choose to call it, because it speaks truth about life. Most of the time the idea of teaching English Literature to my own students scares me to death. I don't know enough, my grammar is not good enough, I won't be able to answer their questions: all legitimate fears. But I love walking out of my literature classes and not being able to leave behind what we have talked about. I love that the things my professors talk about in class hurt me or amuse me or frustrate me because it lets me know that they mean something, and that they are real. I love that when I get back from a not-literature-related class that I am (sadly) so glad to leave behind, my escape is to grab a book and head outside. I love getting to study something that I am so deeply passionate about. 

And I will not let grammar scare me away from that.  

I Love living in an Apt...

And just to clarify an apt is an APARTMENT. But because we are extremely intelligent and mature college students, we abbreviate everything. By intelligent and mature, I mean ridiculous. But I digress.

I just spent the last five hours playing Euchre in my friend's apt with some of my favorite people. And it is amazing how good it feels to be with good people, to trash talk and laugh and just generally enjoy life together. These people make me better. They make me smile and they make my life full. It felt right and appropriate that my pilot blog should be about them. And here they are, at least some of them.

We trespass and take really pretty pictures

We make Applebees runs at ungodly hours

We laugh a lot